Post by The 2-BeloWe have a report from the alt.flame Dynamics Officer that Avoid normal
Post by Avoid normal situations.Post by The 2-BeloWe have a report from the alt.flame Dynamics Officer that Avoid normal
Post by Avoid normal situations.Post by The 2-BeloWe have a report from the alt.flame Dynamics Officer that Avoid normal
Post by Avoid normal situations.Post by The 2-BeloWe have a report from the alt.flame Dynamics Officer that Avoid normal
Post by Avoid normal situations.Post by The 2-BeloWe have a report from the alt.flame Dynamics Officer that Avoid normal
Post by Avoid normal situations.Post by The 2-BeloPost by Avoid normal situations.Post by The 2-BeloPost by Avoid normal situations.Post by The 2-BeloPost by Avoid normal situations.Post by The 2-BeloPost by Avoid normal situations.Post by The 2-BeloPost by Avoid normal situations.Post by The 2-BeloPost by Avoid normal situations.Post by The 2-BeloPost by Avoid normal situations.Post by The 2-BeloPost by Avoid normal situations.Post by The 2-BeloPost by The 2-BeloPost by Avoid normal situations.Post by Philippe and CocoPost by The 2-BeloPost by Philippe and CocoPost by The 2-BeloPost by Avoid normal situations.Post by The 2-BeloPost by Avoid normal situations.Post by The 2-BeloPost by Avoid normal situations.Post by The 2-BeloPost by Avoid normal situations.Post by The 2-BeloPost by Avoid normal situations.Post by The 2-BeloPost by Avoid normal situations.Post by The 2-BeloPost by Avoid normal situations.Post by The 2-BeloPost by Avoid normal situations.Post by The 2-BeloPost by Avoid normal situations.Post by The 2-BeloPost by The 2-BeloPost by Avoid normal situations.Post by The 2-BeloPost by Avoid normal situations.Post by The 2-BeloPost by Avoid normal situations.Post by The 2-BeloPost by Avoid normal situations.Post by The 2-BeloPost by Avoid normal situations.Post by The 2-BeloPost by Avoid normal situations.Post by The 2-BeloPost by Avoid normal situations.Echo Three to Echo Seven. Han old buddy, do you read me?
Loud and clear, kid. What's up?
Well I finished my circle, I don't pick up any life readings.
There isn't enough life on this ice cube to fill a space cruiser. The sensors
are placed -- I'm going back to base.
*another tauntaun goes skippidy doo through the shot; millions of kids
watching this in the 21st century on their giant HD flatwidescreen TVs think
to themselves, "Man, this is so *old*"*
Right, I'll see ya shortly. There's a meteorite that hit the ground near here,
I wanna check it out. Won't take long.
Beeeeeeeghhhhhhhh! [Translation: Abominable snowman alert! And get off me,
you fucking alien!]
Steady! Hey! Steady, girl! Hey what's the matter? Ya smell somethin'?
RAWR!
*Luke gets moshed*
Beeegggggghhrhhhhhh! [Translation: I told you so!]
*tauntaun gets mushed*
*Meanwhile, Han trots into the improbable cave-base*
*fitting in very nicely with all the other improbabilities in this series*
Post by The 2-BeloChewie!
*A Wookiee, basically a 7-foot-tall pile of highly flammable hair, is...
welding?*
Chewie!
Raaaaaaaaaaaagggggggggggh!
All riiiight, don't lose your temper! I'll come right back and give you a hand.
*Han makes his way into the control room; Leia is there, bearing a harsher,
somehow military 'do*
*Han finds the base commander; I know this is a bunch of guerrillas, but
another hard thing to swallow is a military force capable of taking down
a galactic empire in which nobody salutes*
Hello.
No sign of life out there, General. The sensors are in place. You'll know if
anything comes around.
Commander Skywalker reported in yet?
No. He's checking out a meteorite that hit near him.
With all the meteor activity in this system, it's gonna be difficult to spot
approaching ships.
General... I've got to leave. I can't stay anymore.
I'm sorry to hear that.
I've got a price on my head. If I don't pay off Jabba the Hutt, I'm a dead man.
A death mark's not an easy thing to live with. [FTFY.]
*beat*
You're a good fighter, Solo. I hate to lose you.
*handshake* Thank you, General.
*turns to Leia, sizes her up*
*for the first time, we hear the Star Wars Love Theme*
Post by The 2-BeloWell, Your Highness, I guess this is it.
*plays it cool, nods* That's right.
.... Well, don't go all mushy on me. So long, Princess!
*Leia registers, "Oh, no!" and goes after him*
Han!
*Yes*, Your Highnessness? [fixed]
I thought you had decided to stay.
Well, the bounty hunter we ran into on Ord Mandell changed my mind.
Han, we need you!
*We* need?
Yes.
Well what about "you need"?
*I* need? I don't know what you're talking about.
*tsk* Probably don't.
And what precisely am I supposed to know?
Come onnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn! You want me to stay because of the way you feel
about me!
Yes! You're a great help to us. You're a natural leader!
No! *That's* not it! C'mon!
*sends that vibe of "You know you want me 'cause I look like Harrison Ford"*
Aahhhhhhhh? C'mon!
*Leia finally tunes in*
You're imagining things.
Am I? Then why are you following me? 'Fraid I was gonna leave without giving
you a goodbye kiss?
I'd just as soon kiss a Wookiee.
I can arrange that. You could use a good kiss!
*Meanwhile, R2 and Threepio are having the gayest conversation ever*
[beepitybeepity]
Don't try to blame me. I didn't ask you to turn on the thermal heater. I merely
commented that it was freezing in the princess's chamber.
[beepityBOOPbeepity]
But it's supposed to be freezing. How are we going to dry out all her clothes? I
really don't know.
[beepityZORPZARRPity]
Oh, switch off.
Why do you take this apart now? I m trying to get us out of here and you
pull both of these!
Excuse me, sir...
Put 'em back together, right now!
Might I have a word with you, please?
What do you want?
Well, it's Princess Leia, sir. She's been trying to get you on the
communicator.
I turned it off. I don't wanna talk to her.
Oh. Well. Princess Leia is wondering about Master Luke. He hasn't come back
yet. She doesn't know where he is.
I don't know where he is.
Nobody knows where he is.
*suddenly alarmed* What do you mean, "*nobody* knows"?!
Well, uh, you see--
Deck officer. Deck officer!
Excuse me, sir, might I int--
*mouthcover*
Yes sir?
You know where Commander Skywalker is?
I haven't seen him. It's possible he came in through the south entrance.
"It's possible." Why don't you go find out. It's getting dark out there.
Yessir. *he runs off*
Excuse me, sir, might I inquire what's going on?
*barely listening* Why not?
Impossible, Man. Come on, R2, let's find Princess Leia. Between ourselves, I
think Master Luke is in considerable danger.
Whofuowoodlewoodlewhistle! [Translation: You bet your copper ass!]
*at the south entrance*
Sir, Commander Skywalker hasn't come in through the south entrance. He might
have forgotten to check in...
Not likely. Are the speeders ready?
Not yet. We're having some trouble adapting them to the cold.
I'll have to go out on tauntaun!
Sir, the temperature's dropping too rapidly!
That's right! And my friend's out in it.
I'll cover sector 12. Have com-control set screen alpha.
Your tauntaun'll freeze before you reach the first marker!
Then I'll see you in *hell*! HYAAH!
*meanwhile, in the Abominable Hothmonster's lair, Luke has been saved to be
a snack later; presumably Luke's tauntaun, being native, was more desirable
dinner fare*
*Luke comes to, and dismayedly sees his feet frozen to the ceiling and his
lightsaber out of reach*
*somehow Forcifies the lightsabre into his hand; ghod only knows how he
learned to pull this shit before he even knew who Yoda was*
*very unconvincingly frees himself from the ceiling, and slices off one of
the monster's hands in the course of defeating it, in keeping with the
dismembered-hand motif that runs through this entire series*
*finds that, while he can kick the monster's ass with his lightsabre,
defeating an entire hostile environment is a much taller order*
*Han continues to search, allowing the ILM go-motion people to strut their
stuff*
*meanwhile, back at the base, R2 uses his radar/whateverthefuck*
You must come along now, R2. There's really nothing more we can do. And my
joints are freezing up!
Bwoo! Beedlebeedlebeedle! [Translation: Are we going to see that fag ever
again?]
Don't say things like that! Of course we'll see Master Luke again!
Pwoop! Beep! [Translation: You wanna lay money on that, dudeski?]
And he'll be quite all right! You'll see! *to itself* Stupid little short-
circuit... he'll be quite all right...
*meanwhile, out in the icy wastes: Luke loses his footing and tumbles over,
as the bitter cold has turned his blood to the consistency of a Slurpee*
Post by The 2-Belo--
"Comforting to know that Christian concepts exist in the SW universe"
--
alt.flame
"Hell is not exclusively an Xtian concept, turdslicer
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hell
"
Special Forces
"An empty bag cannot stand upright." -- Benjamin Franklin